AR … A year later

Well to be honest, I have been putting off writing this follow up for nearly a month now.

Initially, the thrill of doing this got me so enticed it has churned my left brain to make its natural objection of why this is not the right time to do it. For the plain simplest reason being, I am in no position to tell you do this, or do that it would make your year flow silky smooth, life would trail off majestically and that nothing bad would happen. I was waiting for the moment the down moments of being an AR would just magically go away, would never come back, and would finally be able to profess that now I am in this perfect psych and be entitled to write about it.

BUT, I am not perfect, I am no superhero and I now realize that perfect time would never come.  In fact, such a perfect timing does not exist. Henceforth, the upcoming ramble of how my AR year went, what I didn’t see coming, what I did well and what I did wrong, hopefully it’ll inspire some of you to do better.

First, grab a cup of coffee or tea, this might take long.

So, in a few,not dramatic at all, words, the past year has been this dark carbon colored fog speckled with an infinite amount of the brightest stars I have ever came across. In following paragraph, you will get to fathom the concrete side of the aforementioned metaphor.

It has been literally a life-changing, die hard, year for me. In a non-chronological order and to name a few, the most important personal/professional/mental achievement of mine have been : finding out what really resonates with me career wise (those who know me well would roll their eyes thinking Ugh marketing again), found a way to actually enjoy doing the shit I hate, discovered this creative visual genius side of mine that has been oppressed for years, got over a death facing situation, learned how to deal with rejection for the first time in my life, met one of the most inspiring people in my life ( Kat, Jalal,…), developed this amazing proactive instinct of being aware of my own internal talk, waved goodbye to the whiney me, been the first time on a plane, won my first national competition, handled real business aspects successfully, made peace with the non perfect me, made significant impact on some people, mentored and inspired some others, etcetera, etcetera …

Thinking about all of this and how eventful the past year have been, I got mixed feelings of pride and despair. As much as I would love to tell you that I am in this good place in my life, I belive I am actually not. And that is so okay ! I am putting more emphasis on this special point, because I know that throughout all your AR year, you would be longing for those magical moment where everything will fall into place and it’ll all be good and you’ll say: Well, I finally came to realize that AR is not bad after all; and shortwhile after life will start throwing shit at you and fall into self pity which is in your case your worst enemy.

To cut it short, here are some few tips, advice, things to avoid and things I would highly recommend you do to make this year lifechanging.

 

• Cut yourself some slack:

Let us be honest here! The vast majority of people,( mostly outside university) who are unaware of how our system works, WILL perceive you as a fuckup who has failed. You cannot change their rigid mindset and you cannot lecture each one of them on how things really work in your school. What you can change though is how you react to these assumptions. A possible way you may endeavor is you will do your very best to be super productive, kickass, put this immense pressure on yourself to achieve great things to prove yourself that what their vision of you is absolutely inaccurate. You will be caught up in this fast paced cat race of filling your to do list each day, trying to hustle your face off ( all good so far ) and when unable to accomplish all these things you set up for yourself, you’ll drown into this intense frustration and get back to that ubzero state of self pity of blaming your AR state for not meeting those superhero goals. I am guilty of this and it would take you quite some time to be conscious of it and harness it. If you have to take anything from the words I have just mentioned, take this: some people will judge you and nothing you can achieve no matter how high it is will never be high enough to make up for you being an AR; you just need to accept it. Cut yourself some slack, and take off that heavy weight on your shoulder because you have nothing to prove to anyone including yourself.

 

• You actually don’t have to isolate yourself:

One of the funniest situations that used happen to me at first, is when people ask you what year you are in. The AR situation was still very confusing to me. Here’s my internal confused head talk when I get asked that that question. I know I am taking courses from the two years and I know I am third year but won’t be graduating this year because and I need to retake courses from the second year, so what am I ? A second year? Or a senior student who won’t be graduate this year? And then it hits me; Shit ! I don’t belong anywhere anymore ! As much as you may deny it, unconsciously this is how it really goes. Unsurprisingly, this is where the tendency to isolate yourself actually comes from. Your old classmates are no longer your classmates and your new classmates don’t feel like your classmates and you’ll automatically feel rejected from both clans even if none of them has done anything to make you feel that way. Therefore, please put in mind that your true old friends will still be your true old friends, and you can always make new ones because nobody there is judging you.

 

• Do whatever the hell you want, discover yourself and find your mental jigsaw:

This is YOUR YEAR! You have shit loads of free time. So please do not let it go to waste. Make each moment count because this is an excellent opportunity for you to experiment, discover and do things you would not have done if you were not an AR. If I have to give myself an A star for anything I did last year it would be this. I jumped at each opportunity I got, hustled my face off, found my passion, followed it to its depth and felt an enticing fulfillment. I found my mental escape and found a solace in working my face off in the fields I am passionate about. If not for AR, none of this would have happened.  When you put yourself into that discovery and openness mode, you will realize that the world is much bigger than your miserable university and you will start to feel that your true worth is far more than those two words they’ve decided to put next to your name.

 

• Oh, those exams!

This is by far has been the part I have struggled with the most. When exam time come and you need your brain to cooperate and focus, he would be reminiscing all those dark moments where you actually did work hard, but failed. You’ll be stuck in this non ending circle of “it happened before it’ll happen again” or “what could I have done differently, I did everything right and still failed”. You will be thinking of the most painful fun ways you would torture those who made you an AR and put you through this. You will be telling yourself “if Mr.X did this I wouldn’t be studying this, I would be studying that instead and would be few months apart from graduating” or “I am trying to pass this class again while my friends are prepping their PFEs”. You would poison your brain with these remorse and grudges that will end up consuming you. Thinking about how intense it felt is bringing me tears to my eyes. I would not tell you to shove those feelings down, they are extremely natural. Au contraire, embrace them and let them all flow so you can move forward. Exam time is the most delicate part of  being AR. Those times will be harder than you expect but once you master the subtle art of switching perspective (with practice and time you will, believe me) you will be able to ace them.

• Get active, get those endorphins and take care of yourself:

As much as you would want to spend the year sitting in your room alone, going through packets of Doritos and endless seasons of game of thrones, DON’T! Please, get active, run, dance, hike, swim, play football, basketball.. Stay consistent with any physical activity of your choice and enjoy the rush of endorphins running through your body.  You will feel immensely better when you eat well and take care of yourself. After all a healthy mind requires a healthy body.

 

At the end of it, please remind yourself that it will always be okay, because trust me it will always be. As long as you are alive, eating, sleeping and safe do not let anything get to you because everything else is reparable and doable at the right time. Be patient, your AR year will be the hardest year of your life so far and ask any AR student you know, he/she would tell you how came out of it as a new and a better person. You will go through this mental boot camp where you will toughen up, learn a lot about yourself and find your own coping mechanism. Remember to make each moment count and to keep an eye on the long game despite your surroundings reminding you that you are losing the short game. It is all up to you either you make the best out of it or merely dwell and drown in self-pity. You have the power to take the first decision and change your life because you actually CAN.